Unofficially annoyed! :(

I need an assistant AND a vacation...STAT!!!!

Untitled

Rating: R for pervasive language and violence

The urge had been building steadily for quite some time. I lost control of it for the first time a week ago Wednesday…I was on the bus, calmly commuting home when one of those…fucking…Nextel subscribers was two-waying a migraine deep in my skull. The warbling of his torture device beep-beeped just one too many times for my taste, I guess. According to the eyewitness report, I snatched his phone from him and beat him in the face with it until it broke. His face…? The phone…? Yes! I then left the bloody pulp and got off at my stop. “I guess he’ll have to call you back later!” I called over my shoulder.Cut to me showering. I got a surprisingly scarce amount of the fuckhead’s blood on me. But I just needed to feel spotless. Good thing that voice told me to put on that disguise this morning! It’s amazing how much a pair of dark glasses, a baseball cap, decorative earring and a fake tattoo can throw off a description. Hee Hee! I paused to think about my most recent activities.

What did I feel? Anything? I guess I didn’t have to kill him. But, if one less person on the planet has to suffer at the annoying self-absorption brought about by two-way paging, then, let’s just say that I was striking a blow for the common man! When I think about it that way, I kinda did a good thing, right? It kinda feels good, you know? Okay, I’m not delusional. (Or at least not yet, hee hee.) I recognize the extremity of my overreaction. So, although I’m not going to make the empty promise of saying it’ll never happen again, I will try to control the severity of my punishments. Or, at least…try to try.

Cut to me taking my car on a little road trip out of the city. I guess some fresh air would do me some good, right? It’s actually a lovely little day. Minimal cloudage. Bright sun. My favorite song on the radio. I think I might just be able to relax…what the fuck?! Did that asswipe just cut me off? I think he did! He just cut me off and gave me…(ME!!!) the finger! Now, granted…he may not have seen me. And he may have just been adjusting his sunglasses with that finger…but he most likely wasn’t. So just in case, I’m not going to let it go. So, I gun it to catch up to him. There’s no one else on the road but us (so what were you in such a fucking rush for, huh, palsey-walsey?) which gives me plenty of room to get beside him enough to run his over speedy, Volvo driving ass off the road.

As soon as I see his car start to overturn by the ditch, I stop my car, turn off the engine and start to get out. On second thought, I get back in and turn the car on to its battery mode so I can crank up my song. I think I might need a soundtrack for this. Then I get out and walk over to Speedy’s Volvo, which is now lying on its side like a flipped over turtle. The driver is busy trying to unbuckle his seatbelt and escape the vehicle. I calmly flipped open my stiletto blade and held its blade angled outward to gleam in the early afternoon sun. He must have either seen the light flash off the metal or seen the intention in my expression because numb nuts stopped battling his seatbelt for a moment.

A slow smile crept across my face. “That’s right.” I beamed at him. “You thought that by cutting me off you were gonna get where you were going faster, didn’t you?” I knelt down on one knee and leaned into his upside-down face. “Man! Shit! I’m sorry! Don’t do this, man! I’ve got money, just let me go! Oh God!” “You think money is going to make me feel better?” I asked? “That’s just not gonna…cut it. You don’t have enough cash to pay for today’s little bout of ignorance that has spoiled this nice day! And stop calling me ‘man!’” He practically began drooling all over himself as he begged and pleaded.

“Aw, c’mon man-I-I-I mean sir! I have a wife and kid at home right now!” “Well after putting up with an asshole like you for a husband and a father I’m pretty sure they’d be tough enough to survive anything, don’t you?” I reached in the window and grabbed his left hand. Sure enough, there was a simple gold wedding band on the third finger. Well, asshole or not, at least he wasn’t a liar. “Okay,” I relented. “Tell you what. I’m not gonna kill you today. But only if you do one thing for me.” “Sure!” He panted. “What? Anything!” I couldn’t swear to it, but I think Mr. Volvo may have pissed himself. “When you cut me off back there? You gave me the finger.” “Shit, man, sir, shit! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to--“ I cut him off by opening his cheek with my blade. “Sssh!” I whispered, my sound matching that of the parting of his flesh. “Don’t interrupt. Anyway, I want you to do it again.”

Silence. Trembling. Staring at me.

I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes, which I believe were trying to register shock.

“Hello? Impatient man with a knife and an attitude here! Did you hear me?” “Y-y-yes!” he stammered. “Then what did I just say?” “Y-you want me to…g-give you the finger.” “Bingo! Have at it, please. Before you get on my nerves.” His hand was shaking very badly, but he did manage to extend his “fuck you finger.” With none of his previous bravado, I might add. With just a quick slice of my blade, off came the finger. It actually flew about a foot before it landed, still twitching in the dirt behind the driver’s side rear tire.

Mr. Volvo predictably began screaming. “You fucking psycho! My hand!” I turned and walked back to my car, but not before switching our license plates. Cut to me watching a movie in my apartment. It’s like 11:30 at night and I’ve got Alex on one side of me and Nikita on the other. They were both doing interesting things in my lap. Toby Maguire was just suiting up to climb that next wall when I came. I wanted to fuck the both of them repeatedly, so, of course I couldn’t do anything “extra,” right? Of course not, darling.

When you ask for something to be done to you it’s consensual therefore nothing evil happened that night. Just very, very naughty! Cut to me brushing my teeth in the morning after kicking the little sluts out at 6 am. I do have to work, you know! I hope Clorox will be good enough. There’s not a lot of blood on my sheets, but there is some, you know? Maybe a Clorox/Woolite blend?

Then I can use that old toothbrush to… Fade in to me at work.

Excuse me, mister? What the FUCK did you just say to me? Hell no, I will NOT quiet down and how DARE you ask me to? Cut to me killing my boss. I’m stabbing him in the neck with a letter opener. Repeatedly. It kinda feels good, you know? His blood is now everywhere including on me…It feels kinda good, you know? I’m smiling as I do it. Slo-mo pan over to the elevator. On the way we see people screaming, running (both towards and away from me.) The elevator arrives and cops pour out and stream toward me.

They don’t have much work to do apprehending me. I’ve already been disarmed and restrained by about three of my fellow coworkers. The police beat me anyway for about thirteen seconds. It hurts a LOT, but it kinda feels good, you know? Cut to me freeing one of my arms. Close-up of the bullet entering my temple and my brains and blood splattering the wall behind us.

Fade to...black.

Cluck Cluck, Nevermore!

The following is a story from the pages of the Midtown Observer newspaper from September 23, 2004:

Woman Takes Own Life in Crowded Fast Food Establishment. Authorities Baffled.

A twenty-something year old woman killed herself yesterday while standing in line at a bustling McDonald’s restaurant. Rashida McGee, 23, was the employee who attempted to take the woman’s order.“It all happened so fast!” said McGee. “She came in and asked for chicken. ‘Any kind of chicken,’ she said. When I informed her that we had just run out of chicken, she simply pulled a big a-- gun out of her purse, put it to her head and yelled ‘F--k a duck, cluck, cluck! I just want chicken!!!’ then pulled the trigger!”

The city of Midtown has offered free therapy for all McDonald’s employees as well as patrons present during the incident if deemed necessary.

Midtown Observer 9/24/04: McDonald’s Was Not the Only Stop for Fast Food Suicide Victim

Eyewitness reports confirm that the Midtown woman who shot herself to death two days ago in a McDonald’s restaurant after not being able to purchase chicken had visited at least one other fast food restaurant beforehand that day.

The twenty-something year old woman, whose name has not yet to be released, had visited a Popeye’s Fried Chicken restaurant twenty minutes earlier.Allison Green, 19, a Popeye’s employee was present when the “wild-eyed” woman came in and tried to order a fried chicken meal.

“She asked for a four piece meal. I told her, unfortunately, our fryers were down and we were out of chicken. The woman looked like she was going to burst into tears.

She started begging. ‘A two-piece? Some leftover batter crumbs? Anything?’

I had to repeat that there was no chicken ready and wouldn’t be for at least an hour.

I then tried to tell her about our many non-chicken menu items, but she just ran out mumbling about this city and the lack of chicken. She almost knocked down an old woman in the doorway and stepped on her dog’s foot on the way out!”

Don’t fear, good citizens. The fryers are up again at Popeye’s as of yesterday morning.

Midtown Observer 09/25/04: Chicken Shortage Causes Suicide

Due to a series of coincidental occurrences earlier this week involving various fast food restaurants, there was a short-lived, freak chicken shortage in the city of Midtown.

Fried, broiled, grilled, fingered…there was no chicken to be had.

Inconvenient? Definitely. Nerve-wracking? Probably. Grounds for suicide?

Yes, according to one woman. A young woman, recently identified as Kirell Saunders, 27, spent her last day on earth on a fruitless search for a decent fast food chicken meal. This search took her across the greater Midtown area to several major fast food establishments.

When she was unable to acquire said chicken, Saunders pulled out a gun from her purse and shot herself in the head.

Reports conclude that her search began at approximately 12:45 p.m. on the 24th at a Boston Market where she tried to obtain a roasted chicken meal.

Unfortunately, the kitchen had flooded and the entire day’s supply was ruined.Alex Green, 22, an employee of Boston Market and eyewitness stated that Saunders left the restaurant “with no problem. She seemed slightly annoyed, but understandably so. She said she really wanted chicken and nothing else would do.”

“The search continues,” Saunders joked as she went on her way.Fifteen minutes later, Saunders was seen in a Kentucky Fried Chicken. Unfortunately, just as she was approaching the counter a kitchen fire blazed up causing an evacuation.

Not to be daunted, Saunders stomped into a Burger King, where she was informed that the day’s shipment of chicken had not yet arrived.

Store manager Larry King (no relation to the talk show celebrity or the restaurant’s mascot for that matter) stated: “We were very apologetic. We offered her a free Whopper, but she said all [she] wanted was chicken, dammit!” as she stomped off, noticeably twitching.

“I asked if she was okay,” said King, “she said ‘If I don’t get some chicken I swear I’m gonna kill myself today!”Saunders, apparently a woman of her word, then made her way to Popeye’s, which was already dealing with all of their fryers having been disabled that morning.

Obviously this did not sit well with Saunders.Not to be outdone, she finally wandered into a McDonald’s. As luck would (or wouldn’t) have it, the restaurant had a large influx of customers and had just sold the last piece of chicken...just moments before she walked in.

According to Rashida McGee, 23, Saunders screamed unintelligibly and pulled out a “big a-- gun” from her purse and shot herself in the head.Funeral services will be held on Friday. The lesson in this? Maybe there is something to vegetarianism after all!

Wishes & Fishes

If wishes were fishes

then I would be swimming.

If wishes were horses,

well,

then I would ride.

I’m constantly wishing

my head full of happiness.

When do the smiles

make it to the outside?

I see why they question,

I see why they chide.

For among my successes

are their own dreams denied.

They envy my courage,

my strength

and my pride.

My list of

“I’ve done it’s”

which spans

ten miles wide.

Every thing

that I say that

I will do I have.

If not

I’m still striving

to make it be so.

Which is why I’ve been

everywhere that they want to be

plus several places they don’t think to go.

Wow! Ho-Magic! :)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30864533/#storyContinued

Love To The Bone

Bones

Bleached white

And

Lovingly polished

Frozen in

An

Immortal posture

Lovingly handled And

Meticulously arranged

Jaw frozen

In a

Silent gasp

Of either

Intense pain

Or pleasure

Or both
A scarlet ribbon

Silkily encircles

The cervical vertebrae

As delicately as

A lover's

Kiss
These bones

This inner frame

Of a man

Once loved

In a different way

A more literal

Tangible

Returnable way
Now

The love for this

Skeleton

Is borne of

A

Deeper desire

One more permanent

She keeps his face

Free of

Dust

And molestation
She sometimes

Crawls beneath

Her bed

To lay

With him
Molding her

Fleshy curves

To his

Bony angles
She told him

She loved him

To the bone

She keeps her word
And love him

She shall
Till her bones

Join his
Then their

Fleshless ardor

May continue

Till dust

Do them part

On Silence

In the void there is nothing but
an absence an absence of light of sound of thought of anticipation of resignation

Atoms do not vibrate for there are no vibrations in the void

Everything that is that once was that ever might be is no longer

There is nothing

Complete and perfect

Nothing

If it were possible to visit the void would I then become a welcome burst of something in the midst of all that nothing?

Or would the nothing envelop me stripping me of all that makes me myself?

That makes me alive?

That makes me exist?

That makes me something?

Anything?

-?

Whaddaya Know?

Who knew?

Who knew that just because I told you to jump
That you would?

Who knew?

Who knew that you would let me tie you up first
Justbecause I asked?

Who knew

?

Who knew that you would drive to this deserted
Canyon at my suggestion?

Who knew?

Who knew that you would Pay for the gas...despite the fact
That I had plenty of money?

Well....I kinda knew.
I mean I've always known how
Pathetic you were.

But

Nonetheless
You still surprised me.
I didn't think you could be
That much of a pushover!

Who knew?

Camera + Me + Free Time + Rudimentary Editing Software = Well....THIS!

Accidental Story

Okay. So I'm supposed to sit here and write 250 words until my time is up or I do it, whichever comes first.I have no idea what it is that I'm writing about but I'm going to try and see how much I'm able to get done.

Wow.

This is a lot harder than I thought. I guess it's because I don't actually have a subject.



Okay, how about this:




There once was a little boy named Alex. Alex was a lovely child. Except for the fact that he enjoyed lighting fires. Not blazing infernos that destroyed buildings and displaced families. Just little things like individual leaves and the feet of his army men.He just enjoyed the way the heat changed things.Well, this was all fine until the day he set what he THOUGHT was a leaf on fire. It turned out to be a highly poisonous bug-like creature that reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyyy didn't like having a flame touched to it! It...kind of...exploded.....all...over....him.



Did I mention that it was highly poisonous?A rather small yet noxious cloud burst forth from the charred insectile corpse and sprayed into his eyes. He ran around in circles clutching his face and screaming.

As luck would have it, he stumbled into a hornet's nest.

And of course, it being Monday, all the hornets were in a very foul mood and little boys making lots of noise crashing into their home didn't sit well with them.They streamed out in a dark fog and encircled his head. They stung him a little here and there and kept stinging even after he fell to the ground in convulsions. Once the noisy boy stopped being noisy, the hornets realized they felt better.

They all went home, not once looking back at the now silent Alex....who never again set another fire.

Review of AMMDCO's SALT May 23-23 2009 exclusively for Philadelphia Dance Journal

Salt: a mineral, a culinary seasoning, a preservative, a medicinal agent, a spiritual catalyst...the inspiration for an evening of modern dance. The latter may well come as a surprise to many. But choreographer Anne-Marie Mulgrew has made a career garnering creativity and interesting movement from the most unlikely of sources.

Anne-Marie Mulgrew and Dancers Company (AMMDCO) celebrated its 23^rd season of performance May 23-24 at the Painted Bride with SALT, inspired in part by Mark Kurlansky’s book, entitled “Salt, a World History.” The multimedia work, presented in ten sections spread across two acts, is an exploration of the nutritional, medicinal, spiritual and, at times, sensual qualities of the commonly used mineral.

The use of several video vignettes (directed by Mulgrew and filmmaker Carmella Vassor,) combined with the sweeping, percussive and, at times, quirky movements of the dancers who, dressed all in white took turns either partnering with, navigating through or embodying the various qualities of salt.

Besides the talented dancers of the company, currently composed of Anne-Marie Mulgrew, Elrey “starchild” Belmonti, Joe Cicala, Frances Gremillion, Rebecca Patek, Leslie Ann Pike, Sydney Schneir and Kate Speer, the most prevalent character on the stage was, indeed, the salt itself. A steady stream of the stuff continually snowed down upon the downstage corner of the performance space, constantly illuminated by a subtle spotlight.

The first section, entitled “The Awakening,” began with Belmonti, slowly and deliberately creating a border of salt that encircled the entire stage; an obviously ritualistic action made even more powerful by the presence of Joe Cicala, sifting through a large washtub full of salt, at times pausing to let it gently trickle through his fingers.

While the dancing sections gave the choreographer’s abstract perception of salt, the video sequences gave a more literal and, at times, visceral interpretation. In one section, three ladies sit in an enclosed courtyard and are treated to a blind-folded taste testing of various salted foods. Their facial expressions upon tasting each item tell the entire story.

Another sequence depicted a lone Belmonti, on the floor of a warehouse, being showered with salt from above as he writhed in slow, sensual twists and undulations.

The final onstage dancing section “Of the Earth,” brought all the performers into the space, depicting the flow, the sharpness of taste and the earthy mineralistic nature of salt through percussive foot patterns, intriguing lifts and swooping turns and spirals as they brought the evening’s journey to a close.

AMMDCO’s SALT was many things for me: an opportunity to see interesting choreography, talented performers and a reminder of how much salt can make one very thirsty after watching an entire evening dedicated to it!

By Charles Tyson, Jr.

Random Thoughts

• I think I am going to regret eating those Big Bites
  

• 
  
  I need more $


• 
  
  I need more love


• 
  
  I want a whole lot more


• 
  
  I really like this song


• 
  
  I am very thankful for all the people in my world that appreciate me


• 
  
  I wish more would follow their example.


• 
  
  I really hope my personal situation improves soon...the depression is starting to show


• 
  
  I am looking forward to my upcoming projects


• 
  
  I need more projects


• 
  
  I think I need more motivation